Written on 2 Jan 2026
I started this journey of putting some thoughts on how I feel about something. Add the push from the people I worked with for five months in 2025. They are a publishing company. Naturally, they implanted this idea of me writing a book.
I admit, the idea of writing a book and penning some of the thoughts, has been around for decades. I never actually got around to it. And if I do, I probably muster 2 -3 short write ups, and… that's it. Nothing else. Then, another 2-3 years passed, before another 2-3 write ups.
Why the writer's constipation? Many reasons.
One, the idea of an imposter syndrome will come and overwhelm me. Me questioning and doubting myself.
Two. Sharing your thoughts, borders on making a confession of your sins and faults. As they say, confession is not good for the soul. Especially other people's soul as they read my write ups.
Three. This is probably, the most single factor. What if the book flops and fails and nobody cares? Yes, I do have fear of failure. I believe, many of us do. At my age, and my tender heart, I don't think I can take the pain of a broken heart. Okay… a bit over the top and melodramatic. But, the fear is there.
These factors are not actually unfounded.
Back in 1984/85, I was in a American Literature class, in US. I was half way through the semester, and my lecturer, Prof. Dr. Vincent Kinoian, pulled me aside. He knows I am the only foreign student in his class. I think he knows I was struggling. He took two of my previous papers. One had a B+. Coming from a kid from some kampung in Malaysia, writing a literary critic and getting a B, let alone a B+ was a big thing for me.
He then took the other paper and showed me, it had a C- grade.
He asked me, if I know why one had a B+ and the other C-? I told him, I had no idea.
He told me, the one with C-, was written from the head. He said, I wanted to look smart.
But the one with B+, he said, I wrote it from my heart. Something I believed in. Something that evokes a certain passion in me.
He then said, before dismissing me, "When you write from the heart, it is more likely right and correct. Keep writing from the heart and you will not go wrong."
I learned from then on, even some of the writings I read in LinkedIn or blogs or anywhere, I can tell, when it is writing from the heart or from the head.
However, the challenge is, which Prof Kinoian did not share was, when it comes to the matter of hearts, it is usually very personal, and hardly be relatable to others. Hence, my fear is real.
HAHAHA
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