Myth: Feedback is a Gift

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Greetings and Salaam All,
 
I do apologize for the long silence. Yes, it has been almost two years since I wrote anything. I used to write a lot some 3 - 4 years ago. Somehow, work got in the way. Yes, blame it on work.
 
I drafted this article a few weeks back. Wanting to finish it and polish it. Then I realize, I lost it. I guess I have to write it again, from memory. Well, it is not actually a bad idea, to lose it and rewrite from memory.
 
My premise for this topic is that, most people, who gives out feedback, either as a boss, a friend or a work colleague, almost always have this in mind, that Feedback is a Gift, and the people should appreciate it. Whether they are conscious about it, or not, is not important. But, somehow, they believe it is true.
 
True, the intention on the concept of "feedback is a gift", is to help those people receiving the feedback. And they should take it as a gift. Unfortunately, that concept, got lost in translation, or the intent got twisted. I have personally received and seen where feedback was never received as a gift. It was more of a "take it or leave" thing.
 
I have seen a lot of people who give out feedback, using threat, intimidation, screaming and shouting peppered with expletives, which I can't even write here.
 
I am not against giving feedback. We all need a reminder if we have strayed off, or that our "fly is open". I am just saying that, feedback, today, is no longer a gift.
 
Let's understand the concept of a Gift. It is usually given free and unsolicited. It is nice and appreciated by the receiver. It is wrapped in beautiful paper.
 
The only thing feedback has in common with the concept of a gift, is that, it is given for free and unsolicited. The receiver rarely feels nice and appreciated. And definitely the feedback is never wrapped in beautiful words.
 
I learned when I was working in Bursa when we were rolling out the new performance management system, some 10 years ago, was this thing called the "sandwich". Say something nice, say something for them to improve, not on what went wrong; and finally close it with something nice. Even the book "How to win friends and influence others" advised the same thing.
 
The whole idea of a feedback is to help them improve, not make them perform or become worse.
 
How's your feedback lately?
 

 
 

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