Winning over Bullies

Salaam and Greetings,

I have an 11 year old son. He is a nerd. If you check the dictionary, you would probably find his name next to the definition. He also has a slight dyslexia, mild visual challenges, and learning disability.

Since early last year, he has been bullied in school. We didn’t know about it because he didn’t speak much on that. The boy that bullies him, sits in the next class. Recess time is a stressful period for my son. So he took refuge in the school’s library. My wife and I didn’t know that. All we know is that he knows a lot. Like astronomy. He can tell you there are many types of suns and what they are called. He can tell all the planets and how many moons each planet has or don’t have. He reads about animals, dinosaurs, flowers and bugs.

We knew about the bully only when the school year ends, last year. He had that fearful look. Due to his learning challenges, my son was relegated to a lower class. And that bully, is in that class. That’s when he told us about the bully.

Knowing that, me being in the Army, taught him how to whack that guy. Of course, he went through the motion to practice. But, he wouldn’t. He still takes refuge in the school library.

A couple of months ago, my son told my wife, that he helped a boy who consistently got E in math to get a B. Now, the story unfolds…

The bully has low self esteemed (bullies usually are). He has not been doing his homework. Getting bad grades in school. He has been harassed by the teachers, and the teachers have practically given up on him. Naturally, he is just doing what others are doing unto him. He is harassed. He harasses somebody else.

My son, due to his learning challenges, have been tutored by my wife on specific techniques on learning and getting things done. My son, used what he learned and applied it to the bully. He just wants to help.

So, during recess, both boys, would go to the school library, and my son would tutor the bully. When I heard how my son helped that boy got a B, I am proud for both boys.

I am not here not to talk about how great my son is. Well, which father wouldn’t. What I want to share is that:

• With all the degrees, diplomas, certificates and years of experience in teaching, none of the teachers could help that boy. An 11 year old learning challenged boy could. I have nothing against degrees, masters and PhDs. It is about empathy and willingness to help. My son, saw in that boy, what he was before. Lagging behind in all work. Couldn’t understand what was going on in school. My son – no experience, no degree, no certificates. Just a heart. Changed that. Yes, there are lots of good teachers out there. But, some bad rotten ones are making the good ones look bad.

• My years of learning and development, I have seen many professionals whose main purpose is to deliver. That’s all. There is no heart in it. No passion. No care. I can’t blame them. Our emphasis on performance and getting things done have made us forget what matters most.  We look at IQ and Smartness. We look at achievements and performance. We hardly look at the heart. The financial crisis of 2008, wasn’t because there wasn’t enough smart people or enough laws to care for the industry. The challenge is the lack of “care”. I have seen how some professionals, work hard to look good (nothing wrong with this), but by making others look bad. Sad.

·         Most important of all. A lesson I take pride in learning from an 11 year old boy. Love and care can turn your worst enemy into your best friend. And, whacking is not required. And for this, I am glad I am wrong.

Warm Regards,